


The Same But Different

by FTS4ever



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: EXO - Freeform, Jongin and Kai are two different people, KaiSoo - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, mentions of chanbaek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 05:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20237569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FTS4ever/pseuds/FTS4ever
Summary: Do Kyungsoo was nothing but a shell of his past self until a certain barista who made him feel bittersweet forced himself into his life.





	The Same But Different

**Author's Note:**

> Like all the other fics this one is also old so sorry for this

Do Kyungsoo was an empty shell of what he once was.

Everyone knew that. The young man never spoke, he never smiled nor laughed. His eyes were dead and body being kept alive by pure determination of not breaking a promise. A promise he couldn't break no matter how much he wanted to.

But was it really worth it at this point?

To keep going?

Because it certainly didn't feel so.  
______

Do Kyungsoo from the very start had always been a quiet boy. A small shy child with big doe eyes and cute heart shaped lips, his skin a beautiful creamy white and cute round face. Everything about his screamed cute, maybe that's what first attracted his first friend.

"Hi! My name is Kim Kai and I think you're really cute! I want to be your friend!"

A small, tan and dark haired child declared in a confident voice. He stuck out his hand in front of Kyungsoo's and gave him such a warm smile that little Kyungsoo couldn't refuse to give back.

"Uh, h-hello. My na-name is Do, Do Kyungsoo." Kyungsoo shook his hand and bowed down, cheeks flushed a soft pink in embarrassment. The Kim Kai kid didn't seem to mind his stutter and only grinned at him childishly because he was a child.

"So, you want to be my friend?!" 

"Yeah!"

And that's how Kyungsoo first met the man who will in the future be the cause of his happiness and sadness, creation and destruction. The man who stole his many firsts and stole the most important of them all, the ability to love.  
~

They soon became best friend, Kyungsoo had been 5 at that time and Kai had just turned 5, barely really. The 2 stuck together like glue and were always around each other. It wasn't really a surprise when Kyungsoo eventually started to fall for the happy and cheerful kid who always protected him.

He had been 15 when Kyungsoo realized he was in love with his best friend. Upon realizing this it didn't change anything, in his heart it had always known and his mind had just caught up with it. Nothing changed, well until Kai decided to be a copy cater and fall in love with him too.

"Do Kyungsoo I love you and have for a long time! Please accept my confession of love-wait isn't it love confession?... It doesn't matter! Accept my love! Please because if you don't then I will feel like I'm gonna die and oh will you look at that my heart is racing too fast. Can you also-"

It might have taken 10 years for Kyungsoo to realize his feelings for his best friend but only took him a second to laugh at his idiocity and pull him into a kiss. And because both of them had never dated anybody or much less kiss someone it was weird and awkward.

But at the same time it was warm and magical and a little painful because Kyungsoo had never been one with a good aim and just happen to accidentally have the worst timings because when he pulled Kai down for a kiss he hit Kai's teeth with his bottom lip.

But it was ok because they laughed it off, trying again and this time being successful and more gentler. And when they realized just how terrible kissers they both were, they laughed more but again everything was fine because they were there and they were together.  
~

Kyungsoo had been 21 when he got engaged. After 6 years of dating the man who he wouldn't mind spending the rest of his life with Kyungsoo wasn't shocked when Kai one day was suddenly down on one knee and holding a ring in front of him.

"I need you to marry me Do Kyungsoo. Fuck can you or will you, I need you to because if you don't my poor heart will not be able to survive and it needs you to survive. You don't have a choice." 

And that's how Kyungsoo only blinked and the next second Kai had already put the engagement ring on his finger. The crowd surrounding them too didn't say anything because holy fuck was that one way to propose.

But then Kyungsoo laughed and kissed the man who he will be spending the rest of his life with. He didn't even need to be asked that question because the answer will always be yes. It will always be yes.

"You idiot its called proposing because one is supposed to have a choice!" he still grinned happily as he said this. Kai shrugged his shoulders and wrapped his arm around his waist, kissing him square in the lips once again. He turned towards the crowd and yelled at the top of his lungs, 

"HE SAID YES!"

And the crowd cheered while Kyungsoo laughed because this was one of the happiest moments in his life. One he would remember so fondly of yet so painfully at the same time in the future.  
~

Kyungsoo got married at the age of 22. His wedding was almost a year after the propose, reasons such as studying and getting a job delayed the wedding but that was ok. In the end they did get married and all that mattered to Kyungsoo was that Kai was with him.

"Do you, Kim Kai take Do Kyungsoo to be your lawfully wedded husband for richness and poorness, for health and sickness and blah, blah, blah, blah-"

Honestly Kyungsoo had barely heard any of that shit because after all all his attention was on his soon to be husband who stared at him with so much adoration and love in his eyes. So much it rivaled and challenged the same amount on Kyungsoo's eyes.

"I do."

"And do you, Do Kyungsoo take Kim Kai to be your lawfully wedded husband for blah, blah, blah-"

"I do."

And so they were married. The priest announced they could kiss and Kai didn't take a second to even breathe because Kyungsoo suddenly felt lips press softly against his. It was gentle and sweet with a promise that he would hold so dear in the future.

But now was the present and so he enjoyed it as he threw an arm around his husband's neck and kissed him. They broke apart as the cheers of everyone filled the church. But in their eyes only they existed.  
~

Kyungsoo was 24 when he realized the world wasn't a dream and full of rainbows and unicorns. He was 24 when he realized the world was cruel and horrible, that it took away the most precious things in your life in the cruelest way.

He was 24 when his last name returned back from Kim to Do.

He was 24 when his husband died.

The events happened so fast, so abrupt and so harsh. One second they had just been kissing and laughing on their bed, making small conversations between pecks and tickling each other because why not?

And the next second Kyungsoo was rushing to the hospital with tears streaming down his face after the hospital contacted him saying his husband had been in an accident.

Everything from then went down hill. Everything happened in a rush yet at the same time in slow motion. When coming from work some drunk driver had hit a car and unfortunately that car had been Kai's. It was clear that there was nothing the doctors could do for Kai, he was too far gone.

"Kyung...soo...baby...pl-please.. pro-promise me....that...you...w-will...li-live ok? You will....m-move...on..and....live...the... happy life...you've always... wanted."

No! 

Kyungsoo shook his head, holding tightly into Kai's hand. How could he ever be happy without the reason for his happiness by his side? How could he ever live without his husband, his reason for smiles and laughs?

How could he ever live without Kai?

"Pl-please....Soo...just..live..your.... life...for me."

But how could Kyungsoo ever say no to Kai, so with his heart torn open into a billion pieces he nodded. He leaned in and kissed his love one last time before the line went flat. Before his heart stopped beating.

Before his life ended.

And so did his.  
~

Kyungsoo was 24 when he stopped living. His heart kept pounding blood to his veins, kept his physically alive but emotionally he was dead. He no longer felt joy nor smiled, he neither laughed nor regained the spark of life in his eyes again. 

He was like an empty shell of what once he had been.

His heart felt empty,

Hollow

Dead 

And it hurt, every day was a struggle to get out of bed, to force himself to eat. To act as if he was ok even tho it wasn't. Nothing felt right. Not when his last name was Do again, not when the other side of his bed was cold and empty. 

Not when Kai wasn't there.  
~

Kyungsoo was 26 when he met a little someone by the name of Kim Jongin. At first sight of the man he had just stared at him, blinked, before walking towards the bathroom and splashing his face with cold water because he was really getting out of hand.

One is definitely not normal when you see the face of your ex-husband on some random guy's face. He was definitely loosing it.

When he returned back to tell his friend his order the man was there again, with the same tan skin as his ex-husband, the same dark hair, brown eyes full of warmth, with the same lips and beautiful smile.

Kyungsoo couldn't move for a second, no, he couldn't breathe to be more specific. His throat felt clogged up, eyes burnt with the desire to cry an endless river, and his heart. Oh his heart was in so much pain, twisting and tearing itself open, shattering and breaking into uncountable pieces.

"Hello! My name is Kim Jongin from El Dorado Café, what will you be having today?"

'A heart attack'

"A hot chocolate for me and a caramel Frappuccino for my friend over here." Baekhyun's cheerful voice replied, pointing at Kyungsoo who said nothing. Not like ever did anymore, he didn't talk no matter what happened.

"That would be $9.53. Here is your receipt and have a nice day! Next!" 

And so life moved on. Well not exactly, because when they received their orders a messy scribble was next to his coffee. 

'I don't know what happened to make you frown but please smile, life is too short to spend it with a frown :)'

With a blink towards the cashier Kyungsoo just continued drinking his coffee, his heart which was blinded with pain lessen just a little bit.  
~

Kyungsoo was 26 when his heart decided to complete his promise and live. Not survive but actually live and move on. It wasn't easy, it was hard and he was so scared because what if it happened again. What if he got hurt again? 

But what if he didn't?

Either way he didn't have a choice because slowly he found himself going to the cafe more often, always taking his chatty best friend with him because he just couldn't seem to find it in himself to speak in front of the man who looked so much like his late husband.

"Good morning Baekhyunnie and Kyungsoo! Will you 2 be having the usual?" the cashier, Jongin asked way too cheerfully as he typed in the order after the 2 nodded. He didn't bother saying the total cost because Baekhyun had already taken out the exact amount.

"Have a great day you two! Bring your husband here next time Baek! I wanna know who is the man who you keep talking so greatly about!" Jongin grinned as the 2 workers walked towards a table and sat down. Baekhyun responded with a 'I sure will!' and waited for his order.

Kyungsoo only stared at Jongin, wide eyes taking in his every movement and noticing his every perfection and flaw. Kim Jongin reminded him so much of Kai, so much it hurt, but it was such a bittersweet pain he would gladly go through for just one glance.  
~

Kyungsoo was 26 when his best friend since high school finally met the man who looked exactly like his ex-husband. And upon realizing this Chanyeol's mouth dropped open before he let out a strangled sound and ran towards the bathroom.

Baekhyun who looked shocked and slightly embarrassed at this shoot Jongin an apologetic smile before rushing to Chanyeol. For the first time since they met Kyungsoo was alone with Jongin. Well as alone as one could be in a café that people rush in and out of every second.

Kyungsoo looked down and sat down at his usual table, running a hand through his black hair and biting his lip to prevent it from wobbling. He knew it, it wasn't only him. It wasn't only him who noticed the similarities and got hurt because of it.

Later, a slightly puffy eyed Chanyeol got out of the bathroom, a worried Baekhyun following after him. The clumsy and usually loud giant walked over to Kyungsoo and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

Kyungsoo raised his head and gave a nod, 'Its fine.' he signed. After the death of his husband Kyungsoo had refused to speak and had instead learned sign language. His voice had been one of the many things Kai had loved of him and it hurt hearing his voice, causing him to become willingly mute.

It reminded him too much of the times where Kai would beg for him to sing a lullaby and would refuse to go to sleep without Kyungsoo singing him until he fell asleep. He just couldn't hear his voice without bringing those painful memories back.

"I'm really sorry Jongin. I don't know what happened to Chanyeol but I swear he isn't like this. He's a really kind and social person-" Baekhyun babbled apologies to the slightly awkward looking Jongin.

"It-its fine Baek! Really! Just stop apologizing." Jongin waved his hands, a sign for him to stop his endless apologies. Finally Baekhyun stopped and gave a weird look to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.

"Please give us our usual orders and add a chocolate milkshake." 

Kyungsoo couldn't find it in himself to ever fake a smile so he only closed his eyes and rested his hand against the glass. "Why do you do this to yourself?" he heard Chanyeol ask, voice soft and gentle, deep and filled with pain.

'What and I supposed to do? I promised him I will move on and I'm doing my best.' he signed with barely enough energy to lift his hands. He felt tired, so, so tired. Having just gotten over the shock of seeing Kai in Jongin, now he had seen another person's reaction and the pain was fresh again.

"Is this really the way to do it? Replacing him with the someone who looks exactly like him?" 

'I'm not replacing him. Nobody can replace Kai. But seeing his face everyday will hopefully make me get used to the pain and lessen it. I want to befriend him, not for the looking like Kai but for being himself.'

"Then I won't stop you. But please remember you're not in this alone."

'I know. Thank you.'

"Its the least I can do."

And so his journey to move on started.  
~

The first step was to face him alone. Without the chatty Baekhyun who would always do the talking. Without someone to talk for him and do everything for him. The first step was to face him without protections.

"Kyungsoo! I see Baekhyun isn't with you today! Did something hold him in at work?" Jongin hummed, already having memorized Kyungsoo's order for being a usual. Forcing himself not to look down Kyungsoo nodded, lips slightly downwards like always.

"Hmm. Tell him not to overwork himself. The total is $4.32. And you too try not to overwork yourself ok?" Jongin chirped as he received the money Kyungsoo had given him, handing him back the receipt. Kyungsoo nodded at the words, walking to his usual table and sitting down.

His coffee later was done, forcing him to stand up and pick it up. Forcing him to walk and face Jongin again. With his heart hammering against his ribcage and head feeling a little light, Kyungsoo stood up and walked towards his order.

"Here Kyungsoo, I hope you have a good day today! Smile for once ok? I swear it will make you feel better!" Jongin already knew that Kyungsoo didn't talk because Baekhyun explained to him about Kyungsoo being mute.

With a small shaky breath Kyungsoo grabbed his coffee and looked at Jongin, not Kai, but Jongin.

And with great effort the corner of his lips were slightly lifted upwards.

Jongin gaped but before Kyungsoo could see the rest of his reaction he turned around and exited the Café as fast he could.  
~

With a fast pounding of his heart against his chest Kyungsoo bit his lip and forced himself to be brave and face his fears. To get over his dread of going inside and slowly opened the doors.

The second the bell rang, announcing his arrival, the cashier he had become so fond of the past few months he had been going there beamed at him. His eyes literally light up, lips stretching into a big bright smile and composure was in high alert.

"Kyungsoo! Good morning! Why you up so early today!" Jongin grinned, already putting his order in the cashier. "Couldn't sleep?" his voice was as cheerful as ever. So, so cheerful that it made Kyungsoo's heart flutter.

He nodded, remembering to do that weird thing called 'smiling' that he hadn't done in so long. It felt weird in his face, the muscles around his lips felt foreign and strange, they weren't used to doing that in so long.

"You're smiling!" Jongin gasped, his eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree in a cold and dark night in December. He looked that happy that even Kyungsoo couldn't resist the argue to smile genuinely.

Kyungsoo nodded again, his heart pounding a little too fast for it to be normal and his stomach felt as if it was flipping around weirdly, it felt so strange and foreign.

"I knew you could do it!" Jongin grinned, "I don't even know why I feel so proud of you right now but I do!". Kyungsoo froze and looked down at his feet, his smile falling down.

"See! I knew you could do it Soo! I told you riding a bike with no training wheels would be easy! I don't know why I feel so proud but I do and you better be proud of yourself too ok Soo!"

"Okay!"

'No, this is Jongin, Kyungsoo. This is Jongin not Kai, and you better damn remember that!' with a gulp Kyungsoo raised his head and at the sight of Jongin's smile, a small one of his own curled on his lips.

Slowly Kyungsoo opened his lips and mouthed strangely, 'Thank you'. Even if he didn't push any actual sound out of his mouth, even if hadn't really spoken. Just the gesture alone seem to bring Jongin over the moon.

"Kyungsoo! Wow!" Jongin didn't seem to have anymore to say.

With a small blush growing on his cheeks, Kyungsoo took out the money to pay for his coffee and walked towards his usual table. Not many people were in the café so early in the morning. He himself usually came in the afternoon, but he wanted to talk to Jongin and see him.

And upon doing that, a great sense of achievement bloomed in his chest, like a flower receiving daylight after being stuck in the shadows for so long. It felt refreshing and so warm.

"A caramel Frappuccino for our gentleman Do Kyungsoo." Jongin grinned, making a whole show of putting his coffee in front of him and making a dramatic twirl of his wrist as if to prove his point of class.

Kyungsoo blinked, startled, not having noticed Jongin even get out from behind the counter and walk to where he was. He was used to him being the one to stand up and retrieve his drink, not being served by somebody else.

At least not for 2 years now.

With a small soundless chuckle Kyungsoo grabbed his drink and nodded at Jongin, his lips sending a warm smile towards the taller man who beamed like a beacon at the small gesture.

"It was a pleasure to serve you my lord," Jongin let out a chuckle that Kyungsoo could hear loud and clear as he pushed back his chair. He hesitated but then accepted the waiting hand in front of him, letting himself be helped up from the chair.

Jongin, as if it was even possible seem to bounce on the heels of his shoes from happiness.

Kyungsoo had a nervous feeling in the back of his head, telling him and warning him that this was all wrong and that if he let this get any further he will get hurt just like he had ended up last time.

But at the same time happiness and a weird-but-pleasant giddiness had accumulated in the center of his heart, advising him that it was ok to be happy again. It soothed all the wounds of the past and slowly but carefully closed them, assuring him that he could live again without any worries his demons would come back to haunt him.

Kyungsoo let out a small smile and with all his courage he managed to accumulate, opened his mouth,

"The pleasure is all mine."


End file.
